Nobody Understands Me – You’re Not Alone, Here’s What To Do

It sounds like a teenage thing, doesn’t it? Like, „nobody understands me, why am I so lonely?“

But the fact is, this is not only a teenage problem. Many people, both women and men, are dealing with emotional loneliness, sometimes even when surrounded by a crowd of people. What does it mean?

What does it feel when no one seems to understand you?

Have you ever felt nobody really cares about you? They are talking with you only because they feel some kind of obligation since you’re their family or long-lasting friend, but they don’t tend to really understand you.

When you start to talk about yourself and your problems, they seem not present but are only nodding or response something absurd that shows they haven’t heard what you said.

That’s the feeling I’m talking about. What to do then? How to make your inner emptiness smaller? Is it even possible? Here we’ll talk just about it.

What To Do When No One Understands You?

In short, you have 3 options: yourself, self-minded friends, and a psychologist.

Yourself

I don’t claim it’s the best option but since it’s most often the only option, it’s also the best one. What does it mean to have yourself when you feel nobody understands you? The explanation is based on another question:

Why do you need someone to understand you?

Someone could say: Because it’s easier. You feel „lighter“ when you have someone to tell them your problems and see they have empathy for you.

Ok, clear. You need empathy and support. And now it’s time to face a fact – we are searching for something in others and requesting something from others when we don’t find it in ourselves.

Meaning, you’re maybe not aware but you don’t have empathy for yourself, you don’t want to hear yourself and you’re not a friend to yourself.

That’s the whole point. Begin loving yourself. Speak with yourself, aloud or silently. Or write down your thoughts. One more idea is to lead a conversation with your inner child. Just be here for yourself just as you would be for your best friend.

And then, you’ll wonder: why was I actually in need of someone to understand me?

Friend

If you decided you just want a person to fulfill your emptiness, you can try to connect with someone who is dealing with similar or the same problems as yours. How to find that person?

Online places like forums are a great help to find people who also have a feeling that nobody understands them. So let google „nobody understands me“, „I feel lonely“ and similar things. You’ll find forum posts on that topic. You can try to connect with someone whose comments you like and ask them for online or live meetings.

Why you shouldn’t use this method for any topic? For example, you could visit a forum about something you’re interested in, such as pets, cooking, or plants. Connect with people with the same interests.

However, there are posts from people who don’t necessarily feel lonely or dealing with a problem that others don’t understand them. If you connect with them, you are at risk to meet someone who doesn’t want to listen to you speaking about your problems.

Actually, if you connect with someone dealing with the problem as yours, you’re still risking you’ll meet a person who talks only about themself. Often people, even if they complain about no one understands them, they are actually the ones who don’t listen to others.

Psychologist

Now you could say: Really? Should I pay someone to listen to me? Just to feel someone understand me? Well, that’s one view but you can also watch it from another point.

A psychologist can never be your friend but they can be the best person to talk to about your problems because they won’t only listen to you and show they understand you but they will also give you suggestions on how to solve your problems. And you’ll be surprised how often you’re actually not even aware of all your problems.

A psychologist can bring your deep subconscious issues to the surface and those issues could even be the main reason why you feel lonely and have a desire for someone who will understand you. The only disadvantage when it comes to the psychologist option may be the money you need to pay them. But money invested in your self-development is never lost money.

Does Really Nobody Understand Me Or It’s Just My Impression?

Even now when you know how to solve your problem, you may be still wondering whether your feeling is real or not. Well, there are two possibilities.

The first one is that you’re right. You’re not surrounded by people who are on the same emotional level as you or don’t have as developed emotional intelligence as you. They don’t see things the way you see them so you can talk about your situation but they will give you the comments you don’t want or need to hear. And that’s not their fault. That’s just the way they experience reality just like you experience it your own way. So you’re just not the match for each other, that’s all.

Another option is that you’re really stuck in an illusion. You have strict expectations about other people’s reactions and when they don’t react the way you expect, you feel they don’t understand you. The fact we all must face is that everybody is unique which includes appearance, character, reactions, worldview, emotions, and many other things. Meaning, nobody will react the way you do so the most important thing is to meet someone deeply so that you can „read them“. 

How Do I Make People Understand Me?

As we concluded, you can’t force someone to understand you. It depends on the character and reaction expressions of each person. If your character and needs meet theirs, it’s more likely you’ll feel they understand you. If they have a completely different worldview, it’s hard to make them understand you. But still, you can try to do it.

And here’s how.

Firstly, be direct. Yes, I know, it’s not a pleasure to tell someone what to do. You wished they already knew how you want them to behave towards you but if you can’t get from someone what you want – say it.

Say to them: I need you to understand me. That would make me feel better. I’ll tell you now what’s my problem and if you can, I’d appreciate you to listen to me and show you understand me.“

Who could reject such a sincere request?

It may happen that then people will notice for the first time you actually have a problem. People are often blind to others’ problems because they are too occupied with their own problems or they just feel better believing their friends or family don’t have problems so that they don’t have to be worried. They have enough of their own problems, and who can deal with more problems so they are convincing themself their friends are good.

The second thing you can do (actually you should do) to achieve people understand you is to show them you understand them. Nodding, repeating their sentences your own way, giving examples from your experience which shows you’ve faced with similar problems – these are all the possible ways to demonstrate to people you’re their support. Then you can expect they will be your support which means they will listen to you the same way you’ve listened to them and shown understanding.

And the last and most important thing to consider is – sometimes it’s not worth trying to make people understand you. By connecting with yourself, you can fulfill your own emptiness and you’ll need nobody which decreases the risk you get into a relationship with someone „wrong“ just because you need understanding. You’ll be an independent person which really feels good.